Does Anyone Remember What Nick Clegg Told Us Not To Let Anyone Tell Us?

The last thing I remember, I was watching TV, Nick Clegg stared deep into my eyes, wagged his finger, and said, "don't let anyone tell you”... and it worked. I didn't let him tell me... (pregnant pause), Or else, I've forgotten, whatever he told me. Or, he didn't really tell me anything at all, and I’d just thought he told me something.

They're clever people, these politicians, because, whatever happened, I haven't a clue what it was, and I still haven't a clue what's going to happen. So, he can just say "I told you" - whatever happens. Even he doesn't have to remember what he told us. All he has to do, is remember that he told us.

Anyway, I don't think he is a politician at all. I think he's one of these TV hypnotists who hypnotised himself into thinking he's a politician. Then, he hypnotised everyone else into thinking he's a politician. That's clever stuff. He must have hypnotised himself while he was shaving, or maybe he saw himself on TV.

Maybe he did it during one of his TV extravaganzas, and he hypnotised everyone watching, who thought they were watching a political debate, into hypnotising everyone they know, not to remember, what it is he told us... not to let anyone tell us.

There is, however, the possibility of a few exceptions. These are people who might not have heard him actually say, what it is he told us... not to let anyone tell us, otherwise, if they had heard him tell us... what ever it was they didn't hear him tell us... not to let anyone tell us, that would mean that they would have been hypnotised too.

However, I believe that they’re our best chance of finding out, what it is Nick Clegg told us... not to let anyone tell us.

We'll be able to pick these people out quite easily, because they won’t have TVs - or any friends or family. For example, they might be doing a stretch in solitary confinement, for not paying for their TV license - because not having a TV, is no excuse for not having a TV license - these days. On the other hand, you don't need a TV license when you're in the slammer, because it's all laid on, along with your three square meals, and all the grass you can smoke. (Maybe that’s what he was trying to tell us... not let anyone tell us.)

Nevertheless, I still think that's the first place to look for the answer to what it was Nick Clegg told us... not to let anyone tell us. Maybe some people were lost up on top of Mount Everest, for example, or under a pile of logs where the Amazonian Rainforest once was, (but is no more - because we needed it to make bubbles with.)

Although, that wouldn't be much of an excuse for not knowing what Nick Clegg told us... not to let anyone tell us, unless a shoal of piranhas had eaten their mobile phones, while they were swimming across the Amazon, and so they couldn't contact the rest of the human race. (That’s the excuse for everything nowadays.)

So, in honour of Nick's undoubted talent for telling us, that he doesn't want us, to let anyone tell us... whatever it is, he doesn't want us, to let anyone tell us, which no one can remember - including Nick - I think we should start a crusade to find the Holy Grail of what it was that Nick Clegg told us... not to let anyone tell us.

If we can succeed in this quest, we might prove that “the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything” - is not 42.

Furthermore, there will be a mass recollection of what it was, that Nick Clegg told us... not to let anyone tell us - and thenceforth, the lives of all the people on Earth, will greatly improve. Because everyone knows, it was something marvellous that he told us, not to let anyone tell us we couldn't have. Although, it’s strange, how everyone - including Nick - has forgotten what it was. Nevertheless, everyone knew at the time, it must be something wonderful, because of the audaciously hopeful aura, which emanated from our TV screens as Nick Clegg told us... not to let anyone tell us - whatever.

So there you are. Are you - still there? Well... you’ve just wasted another five minutes of your precious life - while you should be at work, helping to refinance the banks! We're all in this together, you know!